Tonight I went with Richard to a lecture: "Is G-d in the Picture: Representation and religion in contemporary Jewish art" (or something like that). It was actually a panel discussion, with one of the speakers being my friend Evan who did a great talk on his artwork.

The main speaker was an Israeli art historian who was really amazing and a good speaker. He showed a lot of artists who were, of course, grappling with Judaism in their work, and questioning religion. In my own work, I'd say that I grapple more with being Jewish than with G-d, but it feels like the same thing or very similar. A few interesting points:

- He began the lecture with notes from someone diary -- an artist, and I didn't catch the name -- who died of lung cancer in the 90s, but who was in the hospital, and underwent a series of operations. And he thought he saw god and he tried to depict him after the fact, but it was impossible. He was a small, ugly, creature. Then he said something like, later, when I'd look around, and I'd see small ugly creatures, I realized that god is all around us. It made me think of my own views on complexity and chaos of the universe, and that perhaps mathematics and science in its patterned complexity is moving closer to what, perhaps, god might be.

Richard rags on my because I say I'm an atheist. Actually, I saw I'm a Jewish atheist, which I see as something different. And again, in this lecture, he art historian talked about how god is contradiction, a paradox. I see my own views this way, paradoxican and absurd. And I see much of Jewish belief and history to be absurd as well, contradictory, etc.

Someone near the end asked a question, "Can you tell how religious an artist is by their work?" And the art historian asked, how can you tell who is more religious, the person who prays every morning, or the artist who grapples with the subjects in their art? It was interesting, as though, art is its own type of ritual and prayer, and just another way of exploring belief and faith, and identity. Which I certainly believe.

Anyway, I want to buy this guy's book now. And go to some of his other lectures.

It was nice to hang out with Richard, but he confounds me most of the time. I also was thinking, Stu would have enjoyed the lecture.

And then yes, I arranged a booty call during the lecture on G-d in art, but it fell through later. The guy (Mike) wanted to go park! Jesus fucking christ, no thanks! He just wants his cock sucked. I told him what I wanted -- which was indoor sex -- and we just didn't get together. But it was late. Maybe another day.

Very Meaningless Encounters

Been a busy week, so the blog's been dormant. My mom visited on the weekend. I forget what else happened before that. And then I hooked up with this guy. (Later, I found out that he is also this guy, but I didn't know that -- not the ad I responded to, and he was too embarrassed to admit that was him at first.... but it became apparent eventually...)

And he was a nice guy. Mike. Lovely time. I might see him again before he leaves town, I dunno. I'm actually not sure if he really enjoyed himself. I think he did, but I guess this is my own insecurity that inevitably comes up, especially after Stuart.

But also it reinforces my feeling that no encounter is meaningless. This was very instructive. Mike reminded me that all I really want is a nice boyfriend, not a nice hookup. (And Mike is not boyfriend material, that's for sure, even if he lived in my city.)

And of course I've been reading Stuart's blog, and getting annoyed. He's doing a reading in Cobourg, where the new hooker -- I mean, girlfriend -- lives.

I had more to say but I'm late for work, and now just annoyed and fixated on Stuart.