The weeping is mostly the result of my being haunted by my long memory. Letting go is difficult when you have a detailed and vivid memory. My ex has been hanging around lately, in my mind. Stuart. We broke up less than a year ago, but it was a long, difficult, protracted breakup over about two years. I still love him, of course, even after everything. Most women would have run screaming immediately, but I hung in, hoping things would change, asking for them to change. Finally, I decided they probably weren't going to, no matter how much I longed for it. I just wanted him to make me number one, for once. To come to me, and say: I was wrong. I want to make you number one, and try this again. He just couldn't say anything. Nothing.

I've been dreaming about him. My dreams are just like reality: he's moved on, and I am still pining for him, begging for him to come back, pathetic. In reality, it's the same, without the begging.